Theoretically, the whole concept of complete surrender in love sounds very romantic and blissful. This is particularly true when the relationship is new or relatively young. After all, doesn’t it feel awesome to give more than is required of us when we are in love? But the truth is that many of us are struggling to achieve that kind of idyllic or poetic kind of relationship. It may sound like we are being asked to give in, or worse still that we are losing ground.
If you want to inspire your love life to a higher level, to enjoy joy and peace like never before, that demands total surrender.
Surrender can be described as a state of mind; in which you receive and process situations confronting you in a relationship. When we surrender, it becomes perfectly possible to tell your partner “no” and still remain in a state of inner peace or non-resistance.
Complete surrender only comes when you have understood the meaning of true love. It becomes a natural expression of giving with joy and selfless love. Put in simple terms, surrender is the release of the entire emotional or mental energy field that is fighting for power inside you. It’s letting go of your individual identification with a particular mental position.
Surrender is wilful yielding to someone else, your lover or partner. However, in most cases, the ego will fight to maintain power. Ego is the mental concept of the “self”. The ego makes you feel special as if the other party in a relationship is not doing enough. It comes in the form of “I love” this or that. It forces us to place others into categories. Ego may be subconsciously telling you that you are the smarter one!
It’s usually an unconscious bias that eventually leads to unhappiness in a relationship, as well as discontent and a sense of insufficiency. Only when you surrender your ego, then you can draw out the best in your lover, and indeed yourself. The relationship comes first in a sacrificial but loving way. Your partner is in turn inspired to give of their best too.
Surrendering to true love demands paying attention to your own moods, emotions, and thoughts. These have the potential to make you act in ways that are less than loving. It may mean surrendering your sense of self-importance, pride, or the urge to always have your way in a relationship. Relinquishing power and control over the other person.
Pay close attention to all those things, big or small, that trigger those reactions that are unloving or selfish. Let go of emotions that may make you doubt your worth, or leave you with feelings of inferiority. You need to train and inspire yourself and your partner in positive ways, even when you feel your partner has caused the friction, or hurt you in any way. Aim to promote harmonious conditions in your love life through your actions, speech, and thoughts. Positivity really does encourage positive results.
Notice how your defensive mechanisms react when the position you hold is attacked. Feel and weigh up the force or intensity of your own aggression when you are challenging the viewpoint of your partner. Observe how attached you are to your views and the level of emotional-mental energy behind your desire to be right in a situation or discussion. This is your ego at work, and it will prevent you from surrendering.
Saying that you ‘surrender’ means you are not holding on to anything. It means letting go completely, and literally leaving nothing for yourself. Not even holding onto a single thought about it. Take time to assess and honour your feelings. Don’t ignore or try to bury unloving, selfish feelings. Instead, listen and feel them, and then transform them into what I can only define as poetic or blissful love of surrender.
It may be necessary to take time away from the relationship, not running away but creating some physical distance, until you have sorted yourself out and can now respond with real affection and selfless understanding. It makes more sense to be separated for a while than to remain together and continue acting in ways that are unloving. That way, you will be honouring each other more.
True love demands true surrender and acceptance. Don’t try changing your spouse or lover into the kind of individual you wish them to be. This can not only be dangerous but could make your relationship crumble. Let me conclude by emphasizing that true surrender in love is similarly not as easy, as the action of letting go is to complete. It is literally much easier said than done, but it’s worth the effort. Remember that love is a life-long journey, and not simply a destination! The two people involved must work on the big and little things, in order to enjoy a long and fruitful relationship.
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